This is the voice note I recorded after the lymphatic breast massage at the Women’s Herbal Symposium in May of 2017: I feel like the luckiest person in the world right now! I’m completely ecstatic! There was a lottery for a lymphatic breast massage, so Chan-Ti and I put our names in late last night. There were a lot of little pieces of paper in the jar and I had just checked on a list to see if I’d won the lottery for a full body massage, and neither of us found our names. I didn’t feel like I wasn’t going to win when I put my name in. I figured that the odds were not in my favor. Right before they called my name, I had a vision.
The whole vision was just a flash. I was recording a video, sitting in front of a camera. My name was called right after the vision. DeAnna, the woman offering the breast exam, announced that she was so happy that it was me, because I had come in the night before to find her, and said, “Oh! Is the intensive here? I’m so excited for it! I am just making sure it’s here and where to sit and all of that.” It was very evident that I was anticipating the intensive the next morning. After the four names were called, the room shifted fast, and the massage tables were set up in the front of the space for the demos to begin.
I chose a table, took off my shirt, and slid under the sheets. Before I had even felt any hands on my body, vertigo whirled through me, and couldn’t feel my body. I felt like I was just a head. I had to disconnect from the intense sensation of spinning. All of the women gathered around me in a circle and the feeling of overwhelm took my breath away. This had nothing to do with nudity or being exposed physically; this was about being vulnerable and tuning into the massive shift that was already in motion. I was comfortable on the table, but I was extremely hot. I was feeling wet and sticky. DeAnna starting off by saying, “Everyone, look at her skin color, look at the tone, and the smoothness. She doesn’t have any lymph issues. She has a great lymph system. Her lymph is very healthy.” She began massaging my breasts then,
and said that my breasts were also very healthy. She didn’t do much there before moving into my underarms and mentioned that there was some blockage there. The pain I was experiencing was spoken through facial expressions, and she caught on fast and mentioned that it was probably muscular. I told her that it certainly was as I’d been working out quite a bit. She starting working on these spots and moving it around. I felt the sensation of pain moving out. DeAnna pointed out that I wasn’t breathing and reminded me to breathe. She said that my psoas was tight, and that was connected to my jaw and then my thighs. She said that people with a tight psoas like this, often have difficulty breathing deep and hold their breath. This was a major aha moment for me, as I often hold my breath. Then a woman named Sherri Nelsen took over as DeAnna moved over to the next demo, and explained to her that my drain system was open and that everything just goes right through me. I was in a daze, with my eyes closed, so I wasn’t sure but I knew she had to be talking about me, because I’ll take a sip of water and feel like I have to pee before I even finish taking the drink. Everything does truly move right through me. Rapidly. Sherri went right to my heart, and said that I have a shield on my heart. I am trying to protect myself. I hold grief and I am trying to protect myself from it. She asked me to repeat the mantra, “I am worthy.” The flood of tears came in an instant, as she held her hand over mine-on my belly, and the other on my heart. She had them put the singing bowl on my belly, and I never opened my eyes to see who was playing it. It was a bit abrupt, though the vibrations felt healing. She then moved the singing bowl over my heart.
Sherri asked for someone to put their hand on top of mine to create pressure and grounding, and remind me to breathe into my belly. She swaddled me in the sheet and I cried for a few minutes more, and one of the woman came over and stroked my head and I felt like I was so incredibly safe. In that moment I tried to remember if I’d ever felt that safe and couldn’t recall a time. Sherri eventually loosened me up from the sheet and told me to break free on my own like I was being birthed. It felt like some sort of continuation from the Kambo training. It was amazing. I felt incredible. How couldn’t I love hearing that I am healthy, and that my heart had just cracked open like the shield that was there had just dissolved. It was so expansive. I was dizzy when I got up. I was raving for the entire rest of the morning. What an incredible opportunity. What incredible women! We all were hanging out with our shirts off gua-sha’ing ourselves and just immersing ourselves in the knowledge. It felt blissful.
After the breast massage, I felt called to ask DeAnna and Sherri for support around the reproductive issue. DeAnna listened to my story and offered a simple solution. It was called Mayan abdominal massage. Though she didn’t quite offer another massage, she offered to move my uterus! Her intuition and education led her to the conclusion that my uterus was likely out of place from the abortion. I figured this would be an intense process after she mentioned it, so I was shocked when she said I could visit her the following day and she could help me in a five minute period!
When I found myself back on the massage table, I felt the spinning start up again in less than a minute. Was I going into some kind of portal? I couldn’t explain the sensations that arose but I can say that the experience was surreal. She meant it when she said it would take less than five minutes. DeAnna had Sherri assist her as she felt around with her hands on my lower abdomen to figure out where my uterus was. She told me that it should be in the center, and it was far to the right-toward my right hip. She had me feel it myself and confirm. She used a bit of pressure and coaxing to get my uterus to move. I had my right knee bent and my foot planted on the massage table and the left leg rolled out to the left. If they weren’t holding onto me, I might have rolled off of the massage table. It was a smoldering hot day and I was sweaty and sticky. I wasn’t familiar before this day, but moving an organ is somewhat uncomfortable, and thus, I resorted to the pattern of holding my breath while Sherri coached me to breathe, trust and surrender. Sherri asked, how is your relationship with your mother, as DeAnna completed the process. The tears came again. I didn’t even need to answer. DeAnna told me that it was likely that I’d feel more grounded now and it may be easier to make decisions and feel myself rooted in my position. I welcomed every word and did my best to embrace the moment even with the overwhelm of emotions. DeAnna empowered me to utilize this technique on my own and notice if things (specifically my uterus) seemed to shift back.
When I left the Women’s Herbal Symposium, I felt like a new person. I felt supported, and empowered-and so incredibly grateful! I was grateful for Chantell for urging me to make the trip and grateful for DeAnna and Sherri’s wisdom and intuition. All of the women and children at this event were so full of such deep wisdom and so connected to themselves and the earth; it was such a gift to become a part of this community. I left one step-or maybe a giant leap-closer to healing the wound and finding my [Pure] way of the womb!
If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with reproductive issues, menstrual pain, or debilitating cramps; this is one piece of a four part series where I tell my story of how I healed and found my way out of pain. My hope is that it will inspire and empower women to seek answers and become their own greatest healer.