Read Part I here and part II here!
The experience at the Women’s Herbal Symposium gave me strength. The power of belief overrides everything else. This is, in and of itself is a belief! This is my belief. Because of this, leaving the Women’s Herbal Symposium believing that there were so many more options that I’d had yet to explore; allowed for more space to heal. I was one step closer on my journey toward letting go of, and healing the pain.
There were certainly moments of doubt. I can’t say that I left, and believed 100% that I would never have another experience with menstrual cramps. However, I did have a lot of hope. When I began the first cycle after the symposium, I did experience pain again. Fortunately, this pain was much less severe. Though it was still present, and thus, I scheduled an appointment with a gynecologist. I have avoided visits to hospitals and modern allopathy at all costs in the past ten years of my life, with the exception of contracting Hepatitis A in India. This situation urged me to seek out all resources, I was ready for some sort of a diagnosis. Perhaps I did have the scar tissue from an abortion that was causing the pain, or something related to the abortion that needed to be addressed and I couldn’t see. Because it was strongly recommended that I get an ultrasound-I didn’t see any reason not to take advantage of every resource.
The gynecologist recommended that we do a simple pap, and if nothing came up we would move forward with the ultrasound. I eagerly awaited the results for weeks, and was actually a bit disappointed to find that there was absolutely nothing abnormal with the test results. She told me that it was possible that I am just one of those special people who has painful cramps every month and that I should take painkillers that she would prescribe. These words are not verbatim, of course, though this basically sums it up. She did not have a solution for me, besides pharmaceuticals (which I wouldn’t be taking), and said it seemed unlikely that the ultrasound would show anything. She said that I seemed very healthy and that there really wasn’t a problem, which was quite baffling. I didn’t see her for a solution, however. I saw her for a diagnosis. I wondered, how is it possible that there isn’t a problem when I’m experiencing excruciating pain? I wasn’t going to accept this answer. I wouldn’t even give into my desire to research the likelihood of this scenario being common. I was sure that I could find more people in my doctor’s position stating that this pain wasn’t a problem or abnormal. She agreed to schedule an ultrasound and I was almost hoping that something would show up so I would at least have something concrete to work on. When I went in for the ultrasound, yet again-absolutely nothing abnormal (aside from the strange fact that my left ovary wasn’t visible)! The woman performing the ultrasound told me that she could not give me any definitive answers as she was not the authority and I’d have to go back to the gynecologist to get the results. I continued to ask her for some sort of certainty and eventually she said, it looks very healthy. I still wasn’t getting any real answers. It took weeks to get in and get the results. I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to receive any new information and my hunch was correct. I left the hospital feeling a bit defeated and yet empowered at the same time. If nothing came up on the ultrasound or with that pap-there was no way something detrimental was going on, right? This was where my head was at. Perhaps the Kambo had already healed whatever it was or “gave me the DNC” that I had avoided following the abortion years prior, and I was already on the path to a pain free cycle. I had no problem accepting this theory.
[Tweet “We can choose to believe absolutely anything and this fact is always in our favor.”]
I was simultaneously seeing a naturopathic doctor when I went in for the ultrasound and visited the gyno. With this doctor, we looked at everything. We even discussed emotions and traumas. She had me begin taking a few supplements for inflammation, and I stayed consistent with the supplement, Pure Encapsulation Curcumasorb. There were few things in my life that I really had to start paying more attention to, such as the endocrine disrupters that were leaking in, through an environment where I spend a good deal of time. I began brining palo santo with me to clear the air, literally! I also adjusted my own rhythm of sleep and travel. My naturopathic doctor invited me to look at travel and the disruption this could cause with my menstrual cycle. I sat in ceremony with Ayahuasca in between doctor visits, and was given the message that I was holding fear in my womb. One of my sisters in this tribe offered a rite of the womb ceremony following our weekend with the medicine.
Only a few weeks after this, my good friend Chelsey Lehl, who created Yoni Crystals, visited and gifted me an obsidian wand. This powerful stone is for protection and cleansing (among a long list). I used the wand with the pure intention to dissolve this monthly pain. I truly took every opportunity to love and heal my womb, and sought out every option, and moved forward on those that resonated.
When I returned to complete the Kambo training in September, I was rather apprehensive. I was still experiencing pain and the last thing I wanted was to relive the experience from the training in May. Prior to the initiation-3 lots of Kambo in 3 hours, I went into a rather intense anxiety attack. Fortunately, I had incredible people around me who were very grounded walk me through and make it all the way to my seat in the room where I would receive Kambo for the initiation. I requested that I be out of the room at any point possible to sit directly on the earth, in the grass. I felt that my
connection to the earth would potentially decrease the pain of my womb if it were to arise. After the first treatment, I was escorted down the stairs onto the grass, and sat until I had to go up for the next round. I didn’t make it outside again, because my teacher lovingly urged me to move through the next two rounds swiftly. Her intuition was on point, because I made it through with laughter and absolutely no pain in my womb. I was elated as we finished, and incredibly grateful. I was overwhelmed with a flood of positive emotions. No pain. It was the first time I’d received Kambo in months without pain. I received two more treatments before completing the training and the pain never came. I wondered if it was over, until the next menstrual cycle came…
If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with reproductive issues, menstrual pain, or debilitating cramps; this is one piece of a four part series where I tell my story of how I healed and found my way out of pain. My hope is that it will inspire and empower women to seek answers and become their own greatest healer.